


Soul of My Soul

by tay_tay19



Series: Soul Mate [1]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amnesia, Hospitals, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-27 10:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 16,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6281425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tay_tay19/pseuds/tay_tay19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU where your soulmates birthday is marked somewhere on your body. When Brendon was just a child he was left outside of a hospital with nothing. He had no memory of how he’d gotten there or who he was. An obvious case of neglect and abuse he’s taken in by the hospital and admitted as a long term patient for his memory loss. When the state and the doctors decide that he’s most likely passed the age of eighteen he’s kicked out of the hospital with nothing but a bag of clothes and a bus ticket. He travels to Chicago with the hopes of staying with another former resident of the hospital and on the way there he meets Pete who gives him a place to stay until he can get his feet on the ground. He’s been there for a few months, always keeping his eye out for his soulmate when Pete points out to him that without knowing his own birthday he’ll never know for sure who his soulmate is. So the two set out together to track down information about Brendon’s past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Five years eight months twenty three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_My birthday is in April, at least that’s what they estimate, or maybe they just chose that as my birthday so that I wouldn’t ask about it anymore. No one really knows much about me at all. I have no age, no name, and no memory of anything that existed before the hospital._

_Doctor Walker tells me that a traumatic event may have caused me to suppress my memories, which I guess isn’t hard for me to believe. See I don’t tell many people this but I have scars all over my body; burns too. They couldn’t have been made on accident, you can tell just by looking at them that they were definitely on purpose. The letter ‘B’ is burned onto the skin between my shoulder blades, that’s why the doctors decided to start calling me B. I’m alright with just being B; I think that whoever I was before the hospital was a very sad person. He was in a lot of pain._

_I’ve been at the hospital for five years, eight months and twenty three days. I’m probably either sixteen or seventeen years old now. No one knows exactly how old I am. Of course everyone prefers to say I’m sixteen since it’s only a couple more months until April. The director says that I won’t be allowed to stay here anymore once I’m eighteen. It’s a children’s hospital after all. So I’m sixteen years old, my name is B, I live at the Sebastian Bastille children’s hospital in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana. That’s all there is to me; or at least that’s all that I know about myself._

_My soul mate on the other hand, well I can tell you everything about her. Her birthday is June fifth. She’s older than me but that’s okay. She’s still beautiful. Since she’s older I know that it’ll be a few more years before we meet. I have to turn eighteen first. She’ll know when that day comes since; she has my birthday imprinted on her left shoulder._

_In my mind she’s amazingly beautiful, she has dark hair and tanned skin. Her eyes will be stunning, though I don’t actually know what color they are but there will be something about them that just captivates anyone who looks into them. I’ll spend hours just being close to her and sharing everything with her, she’ll be my everything._

_To be honest I think the director wants to get rid of me because of his daughter Sarah. See she just came back from college a few months ago and started working here. She’s twenty four which means she’d be the right age to be my soul mate. She’d be perfect really. She’s sweet and funny, she laughs at all my jokes and she always sneaks me snacks and games to play. Plus she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I make sure to wear tank tops whenever I know she’s going to be on shift but she hasn’t said anything yet. I’m sure she’s just waiting until I’m eighteen. I understand of course. I wouldn’t want to get her in trouble; I wish she’d give me a hint at least._


	2. Eight years, five months, twenty four days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these chapters are all going to be pretty short, they're supposed to be Brendon writing down his thoughts and he doesn't really have the attention span to write super long chapters.
> 
> Edited

_The worst part about losing my memories is that I still have to attend lessons here at the hospital. I’m not the only long term resident here of course, there are twelve of us and we all have to take lessons together. I couldn’t remember how numbers or how to read and write when I got here. I’m technically still taking middle school lessons because of that. Thankfully no one is mean about it. We’re all in similar situations._

_I’d like to think I’m pretty popular here. I know everyone by name at least, not that it’s saying much since there’s so few of us. But everyone pretty much likes me. There’s a room that we call the classroom but really it’s just an office that they’ve taken everything out of and thrown in a bunch of desks and chairs. We’re all grouped by age so that the nurse who gives our lessons has an easier time knowing what to teach to whom. I sit at the desk second from the back. The back row is where Patrick and Joe sit, They’re both going to be turning eighteen soon and I’m pretty sure Patrick already has his high school degree so I don’t know why he’s here._

_Here as in still attending lessons that is. I know that he was admitted to the hospital because he has an eating disorder. He’s gained a lot of weight since he first got here two years ago but sometimes you can still see on his face how uncomfortable he is when he catches sight of his reflection. Joe is Patrick’s roommate, I can never remember the name of his illness or even how to pronounce it, but he gets really bad muscle spasms and seizures. He’s usually always got a twitch in his arm but he tries not to let it bother him, even though his dream was to play guitar. He’s a really laid back guy, sometimes he and I will sneak up onto the room and he’ll let me smoke some of his weed with him. We haven’t in a while though, not since Patrick caught us last time. His lectures are a lot worse than the nurses._

_I think the coolest thing about Joe is that he’s actually already met his soul mate. They had a gym class together and they noticed the dates while they were changing into their uniforms. Joe says he was totally into girls before but now he only likes Andy, that’s his soul mates name. I think it’s kind of weird that they’re both guys._

_Ryan sit’s at my table with me. He’s been my roommate for three years now; he’s deaf and my best friend. He tells me that since he doesn’t talk it evens us out, apparently I talk too much. He knows sign language but he really only uses it with one nurse, he prefers to write things down. We’ve got our own special way of communicating thought, we learned Morse code together so now when he wants to talk to me he’ll tap out what he wants to say on my hand. It’s hard for me and sometimes he’ll have to repeat longer sentences but it works out for us._

_He’s not in here because he’s deaf though. No he’s in here because of his depression. He met his soul mate when he was really young; they were best friends until their parents found out about it. Ryan got sent to a boarding school and while he was gone his soulmate moved away. Ryan’s had a lot of problems since then. He spends a lot of time on the old dial up computers in the classroom trying to locate him again. It’s too bad that Smith is a really common last name._

_There other kids here that I’m close to are Tyler; he’s got dissociative identity disorder. Gerard and Mikey way are brothers. No one but they seem to know why Gerard is here, he’s real quiet and never talks to anyone but his brother. Mikey’s more outgoing, he’s here because he’s allergic to basically everything. Avril hasn’t been here long; she’s got Lyme disease from a tick bite. Alex is here on and off, well more on than off recently. He’s got some issues with alcohol and his parent’s just don’t want to deal with him. He’s kind of a jerk most of the time but he can be cool. Dallon hasn’t come to class in a few days now, his cancer has spread, I overheard the doctor telling him that he may lose his arm and I know he’s depressed about it, music is his life and if they can’t save his arm he’ll never play guitar again._

_We all get crammed into this classroom and get taught by whichever nurse is available at the time, we’re basically just being homeschooled really. The state sends the assignments we need to do and the nurses help us complete them._

_Ryan’s hand slides into mine as we listen to the nurse talk and he gives it a quick squeeze to get my attention before tapping._ _‘ **I’m so bored**.’ _ _I’m sure it’s nothing, but he’s been holding my hand a lot more often recently. We both have soul mates though so it’s no big deal really. I think it’s just because he’s lonely._


	3. Eight years, five months, thirty days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

"Are you excited for your birthday next month?" Doctor Walker asks. He always starts out with the easy questions.

"Not really." I tell him with a shrug.

"Why not?"

"It's not my real birthday, besides its one year closer til I'm kicked to the curb."

"You're not being kicked out B."

"I am you can admit it. The state stops paying when I become an adult."

"There are other programs."

"For the mentally ill. There's nothing wrong with me."

"Are you afraid to leave here?"

"No shit." I'm feeling bitter today, "I can't live on my own. I don't know anything."

"We're here to help you prepare yourself." Doctor Walker reminds me.

"It's just not fair!" I lie down on the big burgundy couch and bury my face in one of the numerous pillows lying around the room. Thinking about the future makes my brain hurt. The hospital is all I’ve ever known. How can I just leave and be expected to function like a normal person. I can’t. I just can’t, there’s no way.

Doctor Walker sets his clip board down on his desk and moves over to the couch to kneel down in front of me. “Hey B,” He says softly as he touches my arm gently. Doctor Walker knows everything about me, he’s read my file, and he’s normally there when I get my checkups so he knows all about my scars. “B, look at me.” I tilt my head a bit to the side to peek out at him.

“Everything is going to be alright B. I promise. We’re going to spend the time we have left working on helping you. I know you’re scared to be alone but you don’t have to be. You have the support of everyone here and they’d all help you in a heartbeat if you ever need it.”

“Really?” I know I sound kind of pathetic, but I don’t have to pretend around Doctor Walker, he’s seen me at my worst after all. I sit up properly on the couch and he wraps me in a hug. He’s not technically supposed to touch me, the director has warned him more than once, but he gives the world’s best hugs and I melt into it burying my face in his lab coat.

_I know that one day I have to leave the hospital, it’s not going to be easy but I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I’m ready for it._


	4. Eight years, six months, two days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

 

_Sarah isn't my soulmate. I'm positive I felt my heart break when I saw her soulmark. Whoever her soulmate is they're two years older than her. It happened in the cafeteria, she was talking to Mikey when he sneezed and spilled his juice on her white coat. I was really excited when she started to slip it off because I thought I'd finally catch a glimpse of the tattoo that would tie us together, but I was wrong. The tattoo was on her forearm not her shoulder and it's nowhere near the year I was born._

_I'm not in the mood to do anything anymore. I'd been lying in bed in me and Ryan's room listening to break up songs. Ryan's had been in and out but he doesn't really like to be around me when I get emotional, that's why I was surprised when he comes back in after dinner with a tray of food and climbed into my bed to lay next to me._

We watched each other silently before he reached up and tapped on my cheek. ‘ _ **Smile B’**_  

"I don't want to." I knew he was reading my lips so I kept going. "I was so sure it was going to be Sarah."  Ryan let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling my body closer to his. I hadn't felt this lonely in a long time. I returned the hug and pressed my face against his neck. I know that I'm supposed to wait for my soulmate, and it's kind of weird because Ryan is another guy but it feels good to be held by him. It feels good to have his fingers tangled in my hair and I like the way his lips brush against my forehead. 

We fell asleep like that, tangled together on my narrow bed. It feels good to be close to Ryan. Somehow he makes me feel like I belong.

 


	5. Nine years, three months, four days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

"You're quite today B." 

"If I broke a rule, and I tell you about it are you going to report me?" I asked. 

"You know that as long as you aren't a danger to yourself or others anything you say is safe with me."  

"Ryan got to go home yesterday." 

"Yes, I heard about that." Dr Walker seemed a little more impatient than usual and it made me kind of annoyed, it made me want to draw things out more each time that he glanced at his watch. 

"Ryan and I used to sleep in the same bed." He didn't seem surprised. 

"Well just sharing a bed isn't against the rules." After nine years of sessions with him I've learned when He's trying to get more information from me. But he seemed more curious in what I had to say after I told him about that I figured it would be alright to keep talking about it. 

"Sometimes we would kiss. A first we said it was just practice," I told him. "For when he was reunited with his soulmate and for when I found mine. But then we stopped calling it that. He put glow in the dark stars on our ceiling after I told him I wanted to go camping. Sometimes we'd lay in my bed and pretend that we were looking at real stars. We'd lay really close to each other and he'd put his arms around me and it just felt nice. So I kissed him just because I wanted to and I really liked it. 

"So you're concerned about your attraction to someone other than your soulmate? I think it’s very normal for someone your age to experiment with yo-" 

"But it's not just that..." I cut him off because he was ignoring the most important point. 

"What is it B?" 

"Ryan is a boy. I shouldn't have feelings like that for another boy." I was ashamed to admit it, but I know that boys shouldn't feel that way about other boys. It's not natural. 

"Are you worried you might be gay?"  

"No I just... its wrong. To be with another man." 

"Why do you think that B? Mainly everyone here is very accepting of same sex relationships. Do you think that maybe that thought is something that was taught to you before you came here?" 

"I don't know Doctor Walker... Why would I remember that but nothing else? How can I make it go away?" 

"I think that with time you may learn to accept it. It won't be easy but I'm here for you whenever you want to talk about it." 

"Thanks I guess."

_Today was the first time that talking to Dr Walker hadn't really helped me figure things out. All he'd done was make me more confused._


	6. Nine years, three months five days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

"You sure look excited today B. Are you starting to feel better about things?"  

"Brendon." 

"Who's Brendon?" 

"Me. I'm Brendon. My name is Brendon. That's what the B stands for!" 

"You remembered?" 

"I was having this dream and when I woke up I just knew!" 

"That's great Brendon. Can you tell me what the dream was about?" 

"I... I can... But it's embarrassing." 

"It's alright Brendon. I'm not here to judge you."  

"Well I... I was dreaming about Ryan. We... we were kissing in my bed and I um... I touched him, you know down there and when I did he said my name. He said Brendon and it just sounded right. It still feels right. My name is Brendon." 

"That's really great. We'll make sure that everyone learns you name." He promised. 

"Doctor Walker. Does anyone have Ryan's new number? I want to call him. I know he'd be excited to hear that I remembered it." 

"Brendon, Ryan didn't go home." 

"He didn't? But... But he told me he did." 

"Ryan turned eighteen. He's been moved to an adult hospital." 

"No... He was the same age as me." 

"I'm afraid not Brendon." 

"We didn't have a birthday party for him or anything." 

"Ryan doesn't like to celebrate his birthday. He used to share it with his soulmate so after he passed Ryan stopped talking about it." 

"Passed?" 

"Yes. I'm afraid that was part of the reason Ryan was here with us. He couldn't handle the loss of his soulmate so he's turned to deny that he's lost for good. Until he can admit to himself and process his grief I'm afraid that Ryan won't be able to get better." 

 

_Facts: My Name is Brendon, my birthday is in April. My best friend is going to be alone forever. My soulmate was born on the fifth of June in 1979._


	7. Ten years, eleven months, five days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_The Director said that I milked the system. He said that there was no way I hadn't already passed my eighteenth birthday. My belongings all fit into a single duffle bag. Sarah hugged me goodbye, she cried. She isn't my soulmate, but she cried when I had to leave._

_Tyler didn't say goodbye, he wasn't Tyler that day. I asked him to tell Tyler I said goodbye and that I'll miss him but he just rolled his eyes at me. Doctor Walker shook my hand then gave me a hug and slipped money into my pocket. Five hundred dollars, and an address. He tells me to call him if I'm ever in trouble._

_I had a bus ticket to Chicago, six hundred dollars, my duffle bag and no idea where I was really going. Doctor Walker helped me as much as he could. He told me that no one wanted me to leave but it was time. He told me that from that day on I could be anyone that I wanted to be_.  

The wait for the bus seemed to take years and when it finally arrived and I was able to get on I found that it was packed. I held my duffle bag in front of me as I squeezed down the aisle. I thought I saw an empty seat in the back. 

The seat was empty but the guy in the seat next to it was sitting sideways with his feet and his bag resting on the seat. He was wearing a hoodie with the hood up covering his face but it was clear that he was asleep. I had to stand on my tiptoes but I was able to get my bag crammed into the storage space above the seats. The bus started to move then though and I lost my balance. I fell onto the sleeping guy and suddenly he wasn't sleeping anymore. His eyes were wide open and his lips were touching mine. 

I panicked; I was kissing another guy in public. I tried to move away but he had a grip on my arm. 

"Well you're pretty forward aren't you?" His voice was mocking and I could feel my face heating up. I wanted to stay far away from him but there was nowhere else for me to sit and he had already sat up and moved his bag from the seat. "You could have just asked for the seat. No need to do me any favors for it." He winked at me. I didn't say anything in response, I just sat down. The man was really strange. 

"So what are you running from kid?" 

"Nothing." 

"Oh it’s okay you can tell me. Trust me; I've got like a sixth sense about this stuff." 

"There's nothing for me to run from." 

"So where are you going?" 

"Chicago I guess." 

"Chicago's a big city. You know someone there?" 

"Probably." Doctor Walker said that Patrick and Joe moved to Chicago together, He'd given me an address; I just hoped it was the right one. 

"You look like a small town kid. Where you from?" 

"No clue." I shrugged my shoulders and tried to look like I didn't want to be spoken too. This guy was asking me too many questions and I didn't like it. 

"You can still go back home you know."  

"No I can't" 

"So what are you going to do in Chicago?" I didn't answer him. "I'm Pete Wentz" He has a smile on his face. It was the first time I actually took a good look at him. He had tanned skin and warm brown eyes that crinkled in the corners when he smiled at me. He was wearing a beanie under his hood and I could just barely see the dyed red tips of his bangs peeking out from under it. 

"I'm Brendon." I was still pretty excited about having a real name that whenever anyone asked I told them.  

"Well it's nice to meet you Brendon." 

"You too?" I haven't decided if it was nice to meet him or not. 

"Is that a question?" 

"I haven't decided yet." I admitted.  

"You're a strange kid Brendon." He smiled at me again and my stomach did some sort of weird flippy thing.

_I decided that I'm better off not talking to that Pete Wentz character and I closed my eyes pretended to sleep for the rest of the ride. I guess he really fell back asleep because when the bus hit a bump in the road he fell against my shoulder. I sat as still as possible to avoid waking him up._


	8. Ten years, eleven months, six days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait folks. I'm back.
> 
> Edited

 

     I was woken up by someone shaking my shoulders, I wasn’t sure where we were or what time it was but the sky outside the bus was dark. My body was stiff from sleeping sitting up and the shoulder Pete Wentz had been sleeping on hurt. I don’t know when I fell asleep. It was Pete who had woke me up. He was kneeling on his seat with his backpack on and his hood down.

     “It’s time to get off the bus.” He told me with a smile on his face, I tried my best to ignore my stomach flipping this time.

      “Do we have to switch buses or something?” my voice cracked when I spoke and I hoped he knew it was just because I had been sleeping. It was already annoying enough that he kept calling me kid.

      “Nope, we’re in Chicago. Welcome to the windy city Kid.” He nudged my shoulder and I realized that he couldn’t get off without climbing over me so I got to my feet and struggled to pull my bag back down. He must have slipped past me then because when I finally got it free I was the only one left on the bus besides the driver who was watching me with a suspicious look on his face. Embarrassed I hurried off the bus and took my first look at the city that I was supposed to live in.

     The first thing I noticed was the cold. The wind was strong and Icy despite it supposed to being spring already. The jacket I had on was nowhere near warm enough and I had nothing to cover my ears with. I felt even more lost now than I had before I left the hospital. I don’t know why I chose to come to this big city. I’d never been anywhere like it before that I could remember and looking up at the big sky scrapers made me feel tiny like an ant. I could feel my eyes starting to sting but I really didn’t want to cry. I knew that I had to find a place to stay for the night, and I’d have to buy warmer clothes but I didn’t even know where to start.

     My vision disappeared suddenly as something was placed onto my head. I pushed it up and turned to look at the person who had done it and was surprised to find Pete standing behind me with a big grin on his face.

      “Ears are important kid. Don’t want to lose them your first day in the big city.” He’d given me his own hat. I could see now that his hair was black with just his bangs dyed red. It stuck up in a few places from him removing the hat but otherwise it was super straight.               

     “I um… I forgot my hat.” I admitted as I looked down at the ground. I had hoped that being in a city as big as this somehow I’d have a better chance to find my soulmate. I had hoped that if I found her than everything would be okay. Now I just realized how alone I was, how unprepared. The little money I had would go fast if I didn’t find a job right away and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I could try and find Patrick and Joe but I could only rely on them so much before I knew they’d get tired of me. I didn’t want to be a burden.

      “It’s okay. Mine isn’t the cleanest but it’ll keep you nice and toasty. Speaking of toast I am starving. Why don’t we grab a bite to eat?” Pete was still smiling at me. I had heard plenty of bad stories from the other kids at the hospital about adults kidnapping and hurting people. I knew Pete could be a really bad person. He could hurt me and no one would ever know, no one would ever care, but I was really hungry too and toast sounded amazing. I didn’t know where I was going to go or what I would do afterwards but I decided to follow Pete as he led me out of the bus station and down a road with slowly building traffic. I kept my eyes on his shoes as we walked; the tall buildings still unnerved me.

     Pete brought me to an old looking diner and he sat down in a booth by the front windows. The waitresses seemed to know him already. Ours came over with a coffee and greeted him by name. She gave me coffee too but I’ve never liked it, way too bitter. Pete laughed at the face I made when I took a sip of mine then he got me a hot chocolate instead. We ate our food in silence for a while before he started to speak.

      “So what’s the plan now kid?” He asked through a mouthful of hash browns.

      “The plan?”

      “Where are you going to go? Got friends or relatives here?”

      “Oh um… Well I’ve got friends… somewhere I think…“ I paused for a second to finish the last bite of my chocolate chip pancakes. “I guess… I’ll find somewhere to sleep and get a job”. How I was going to manage that without any job experience I wasn’t really sure.

      “You have money?”

     “I… I have enough.” I thought again of the stories I had been told. I needed to protect the money I had until I could find a safe place to keep it.

     “Look kid-“

     “My name is Brendon.”

     “Okay. Look Brendon, I’m a little concerned about you okay. You look like you should still be in school not wandering the streets of the big bad city alone. So when we finish our delicious breakfast, which I am going to pay for, you can come back to my apartment and crash on my couch until you have somewhere else to stay. Sound good?” Pete watched me closely as I struggled to think of an answer. I didn’t know anything about this man, I was probably going to regret it but I found myself nodding my head.

_Facts: My Name is Brendon, my birthday is in April. My best friend is going to be alone forever. My soulmate was born on the fifth of June in 1979. I now lived in Chicago with Pete Wentz._


	9. Ten years, eleven months, eleven days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Pete’s apartment is actually pretty neat. He told me that it’s called a loft apartment. It looks a little unfinished to me, the kitchen had tile floors but the rest of the apartment was just bare cement. Pete had thrown down a few rugs with odd patterns on them to cover some parts of it. One wall was nothing but windows and the other three were covered with stickers and posters of all sorts. It doesn’t really look like it belongs to an adult at all. There’s a ladder in front of the kitchen area that leads to a small platform where Pete says his bed is, a large black curtain hides it from the rest of the house and I don’t want to intrude so I haven’t looked up there at all._

_He has a futon in his living room that I can sleep on at night. It’s a little lumpy but Pete gave me a whole bunch of pillows and a big fluffy blanket. If it wasn’t for him I would probably be sleeping on the streets right now. I used his computer to do some research and found that I can’t even rent a hotel room because I’m not twenty one. I’ve noticed these past couple days that Pete keeps a really weird schedule. He’s always still wide awake when I go to bed. I can just barely make out the light of the lamp that he keeps up there behind his curtain. It’s nearly eleven at night now, he said he was going to a friends’ house earlier and he hasn’t come home yet. I’m pretty sure he won’t be home tonight._

_It’s not bad living with him. He’s a little weird and sometimes he gets really excited about things but he keeps his distance from me. He hasn’t tried to touch me or anything. I’m still cautious though, I make sure to bring my clothes into the bathroom with me so I’m never undressed in front of him. I feel bad about it though, he’s given me a place to stay and food and everything and he doesn’t even know me. He wouldn’t let me pay him for anything. I want to get a job then I can buy my own food and stuff._

_Its after one am I’m sure that he’s not coming home. I’m not really tired at all, I haven’t really done anything but sleep and watch TV since I got here so the idea of sleeping more just isn’t appealing. Instead I think that I’m going to let myself relax a bit. I’ll take a long shower and see if the hot water helps my sore back. When I get my own job the first thing I’m going to buy is a new mattress for the futon._

     A loud noise startled me from my thoughts and I got out of the shower quickly. I pulled on my boxers despite my still wet skin and brought my towel with me as I left the bathroom. The noise had been Pete coming into the apartment, well falling into the apartment really. He was sitting on the floor just inside the door and laughing.

      “Jesus Christ Pete you’re such a hot mess.” I couldn’t see who else had spoken but I knew the voice and I felt excitement surge through me as I caught sight of the familiar head of hair.

     “Joe!” I yelled out his name as I hurried over to them. Joe was pulling Pete up off the floor and his eyes widened when he caught sight of me. He made sure that Pete had something to lean on before he walked over and enveloped me in a big hug.

      “What the hell are you doing here B?” He asked as he let go to ruffle my still soaked hair.

     “I… Well I aged out. I couldn’t stay anymore.” I admitted to him. His lips turned down in a frown as he glances around the dimly lit apartment and saw the blankets and pillows piled onto the futon.

      “Shit, they just tossed you out like that? You can’t have finished your schooling and you don’t even know who you are let alone have an ID. How could they just do that to you? How long have you been on your own?”

      “I… I haven’t been alone. I met Pete on the bus and he offered to let me stay with him so… I’ve been safe.”

      “Thank god for small favors. Geez just wait till Patrick hears about this. He’s down in the car with Andy, I was just going to drop Pete off but it looks like we’ll be here a while.” Before I could even say anything Joe had walked away from me and was talking on his phone. Pete must have grown too tired because he was lying on my futon now wrapped up in my blankets. I remembered that I was wearing just boxers so I hurried over to pull by bag out from under the futon. When I glance up from my bag I’m surprised to find Pete’s eyes locked onto my shoulders. I know what he’s looking at. I know that he’s probably wondering about my scars. I really don’t want to have to explain them to him.

      “How old are ya kid.” Pete’s words are slurred and slightly muffled by my pillow.

     “I… I’m eighteen.” I tell him. His eyes drift shut and he lets out a long sigh.

     “I’m twenty seven.” He mumbles. I’m not sure why that really matters; he’s only nine years older than me.

      “I’m not a kid.” I remind him, but he’s already asleep.


	10. Ten years, Eleven months, Twelve days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Today I learned to never make Patrick really angry. It is still pretty early in the morning but none of us have slept. After Joe called Patrick it only took a few minutes for him to arrive at the apartment with Andy. I’d only met Andy once or twice when he’d come to visit Joe but he looks like a different person now. They all do really. Patrick’s put on a good amount of weight, he looks healthy. Andy used to have long hair and glasses but his hair is short now and I think he’s wearing glasses. He’s got all sorts of tattoos that I never saw on him before; Joe’s got tattoos now too._

_I don’t know how Pete managed to sleep through everything but he’s barely budged since he crawled into my bed. I’m sitting next to him with my legs crossed as we all watch Patrick pace. The sun came up a while ago and I really wish I was sleeping right now. Joe is sitting in a beat up old armchair with Andy on his lap as they attempt to calm Patrick down. He’s upset that the hospital just tossed me out. He’s been trying to get the director on the phone but the hospital said that it’s early and that the director won’t be in today._

_Patrick calms down a bit when someone else comes on the phone. He calls this person Jon so I figure it must be Doctor Walker; He was Patrick’s psychologist too when he was at the hospital. It’s weird to see him and Joe now. It’s been five years since I last saw them, Patrick is twenty five now and Joe is twenty four. They look like adults instead of children. Pete’s older than all three of them but I have a feeling that their apartment looks a lot more like adults live there._

     Whatever Jon said on the phone must have helped because Patrick is much more relaxed now. He drops down onto the foot of my bed after moving Pete’s feet out of the way before he turns to look at me.

     “Are you doing okay B?” His voice is filled with concern.

      “I… I think so. Pete has helped me a lot.” Patrick moving his feet must have stirred Pete a bit. He lifts his head for a second and gazes around the room with his chocolate brown eyes before he lets it fall back down. He wiggles around on the bed and somehow ends up pressed against my back with his arm around my waist. It makes me feel really warm but it doesn’t bother me really, I don’t tell him this but I kind of like it when he’s close to me.

      “He hasn’t done anything weird? Or made you uncomfortable?” Patrick asks eyeing the sleeping man.

      “No. He takes care of me. He gave me a place to live and he doesn’t care when I eat lots of food. I… I was scared when I first got here because I thought I might have to sleep on the streets or something but Pete offered to buy me breakfast and then he said I could live here. I even tried to pay him rent but he didn’t want it.”

      “Well as long as you’re safe.” Patrick sighs and brings his hand up to fix the hat on his head. “Do you have a phone? I can give you my number and address. That way you can come to my place if you ever need.”

      “Oh um… do you think you could just write it down? I don’t have my own phone but there’s a pay phone just downstairs and Pete lets me use his.”

      “Yeah sure I’ll write it down.”

      “Thank you Patrick.”

      “You don’t need to thank me B. You’re like an adorable little brother to me.”  I can feel my cheeks warm a bit. It would be nice to have a brother, I’ve wanted a family for so long but if I really do have one then I’m sure they don’t want me. While I was in the hospital the nurses would check with missing children to see if anyone with my description was reported but they never found any clues. I love all the people that I met while I was in the hospital but I really would like to have a real brother.

     Pete’s arm around my waist tightens just a bit as Patrick works to wake Joe and Andy up so he can drive them home. Patrick tells me that Pete’s going to be in pain and kind of grumpy when he wakes up but that I shouldn’t take any shit from him. I promise him that I won’t and then let them see themselves out of the apartment. I wait until I can’t hear them in the hallway anymore before I lay back on my bed. Pete’s still got his arm around my waist and he presses closer to me in his sleep, his nose brushing against the back of my neck. It’s comfortable and warm and it doesn’t take me long at all to fall asleep.


	11. Twelve years, two months, one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

     “Okay so wait you lived in the hospital with Patrick and Joe?”

     “Yeah.”

     “How long where you there?”

     “As long as I can remember.” I shrug.

     “What for? You aren’t like some child murderer are you? Should I be sleeping with my eyes open?” Pete teases. I can see the playful spark in his eyes as he fights a smile.

     “I… Well honestly I don’t know who I am.” I watch Pete eyes carefully as he takes in this information, they always show his emotions like an open book. It’s the middle of the day but neither of us has anywhere to be. We’re sitting on his bed in the loft with the curtains pulled aside to let in the light. Probably hundreds of pages of paper and notebooks are sprawled around the room with his messy handwriting covering every page.

     “How have you been here this long already and I’m just finding this out? Is it like amnesia or something?”

     “Yeah I think so. I just walked through the doors of the hospital one day with no idea who I was or why I was there. I can’t even really remember that day too well. Mostly just stuff the nurses told me.”

     “So… You like don’t have a last name or anything?”

     “Not a real one… For their records they made my last name Doe. You know like they do on TV when they find a dead body with no identity.”

     “So you’re Brendon Doe?”

     “Well… See when all that was happening I didn’t know that my name was Brendon. Everyone just called me B…”

     “So your legal name Is B Doe? That sounds really funny.” Pete laughs a little and so I punch his arm.

     “Shut up. They didn’t want to bother with the paperwork when I remembered my name.”

     “How did you remember it?”

     “A dream. Someone called me that name in a dream and I just knew it was mine.”

     “Like just some random person? Maybe it was someone from your past.”

     “No, no it was Ryan. He was um… Well he was my roommate at the hospital.” I can feel my cheeks warm as I remember the dream in particular. If Pete notices he doesn’t say anything.

     “What happened to him?”

     “I… Well I’m not sure. He aged out before me and I guess he just got moved to a different hospital.”

     “That… That’s kind of terrible. You haven’t talked to him since?”

     “I know I should have but…” I lay down resting against Pete’s legs. He doesn’t mind it, just places his hand on my head to play with my hair. “I’m scared to see him.”

     “Well that’s dumb. He’s probably lonely as fuck.”

     “You really think so?”

     “No shit.”

     “He doesn’t have a phone I can text him on though…”

     “So call him.”

     “He’s deaf.”

     “Damn. Well then there’s only one thing left to do. Let’s find out what hospital he’s in and go see him.”

     “Really? But… but what if he doesn’t want to see me?”

     “Why wouldn’t he?”

     “He lied to me… Or well I guess he’s lying to himself really.”

     “About what?”

     “His soulmate died. They grew up together but his parents didn’t like it so they took him away. Then he found out that while he was gone his soulmate died.”

     “Shit that’s… that’s terrible kid.”

     “Have you met your soulmate Pete?”

     “No not yet. I don’t think so at least. Course even if I did I’m kind of a fuck up so I’d understand if he ran away from me.”

     “He? How do you know it’s a boy?”

     “Well I’m gay, it would be kind of fucked up for the universe to stick me with a girl.”

     “Joe was straight until he met Andy.”

     “I don’t think Joe was ever straight.”

     “Whatever. Boy or girl it doesn’t matter who your soulmate is. They’re your one true love, the person that you’re meant to be with forever.”

     “You’ve got some big fantasy about when you meet your soulmate huh.”

     “Yeah It’s gonna be great. I’ll feel so comfortable around them and I’ll know that I’m loved and that I don’t have to worry about being alone ever again.”

     “You know… It’s not always sunshine and rainbows right kid? Just look at your friend Ryan or whatever.”

     “I… I know that what happened to Ryan is terrible but I know that everything is going to be okay. Me and my soulmate will get married and we’ll have a big house and lots of kids.”

     “Lots huh?”

     “Yeah, like four or five I think.”

     “Why so big?”

     “So they don’t ever have to feel alone.”

     “What if they don’t get along?”

     “Well obviously they’ll fight sometimes. Siblings always do but they love each other and they’re going to take care of each other.”

     “Sounds all fine and dandy then.”

     “Yeah, it’s gonna be amazing.”

     “You know there’s just a slight problem to your grand scheme.”

     “What’s that?”

     “Well you don’t know anything about yourself right?”

     “Right.”

     “So how are you going to know who your soulmate is? You have their birthday on you but you don’t know for sure when yours is.”

     “I… I um… I figure… I figure I’ll just know wont I? When I meet my soulmate I’ll know it’s her.”

     “Her?”

     “Or… Or him I guess. But that feels a little weird.”

     “You might not be able to tell Bren. Sorry but… lots of people could have the same birthday as your soulmate.”

     “I know… But I can’t remember anything Pete. I tried so hard to remember.” I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I feel stupid for crying about this in front of Pete. He understands though. He makes me sit up so he can hug me properly. I wrap my arms around him and press my face into his shirt. His scent has become something familiar and it makes me feel calmer. I know that he’s right. I know that without knowing my birthday I can’t be sure that I have met my soulmate when the day comes. But I have no way of remembering. For years I tried to remember things and they never came to me.

     “It’s going to be okay Bren. You don’t have to listen to me alright. I’m just a cynical old man. Look I’ll help you figure this all out okay.”

     “How?” I ask my voice muffled by his shirt.

     “We’re going to find out who you are. We’ll start with the hospital. We’ll visit your old roommate. We’ll figure things out okay. I’m going to help you figure out who you are.”

     “Really?”

     “Yeah. No worries Bren. I told you I’d take care of you didn’t I?”

     “I… Well yeah you did.”

     “Alright then. I’ll work out the plans for this.”

     “You’re the best Pete!” I throw my arms around his neck knocking him backwards onto the bed as I press a kiss to his cheek.

_Pete is going to help me find my soulmate. I’m really lucky that it was him I met on the bus. I’d be so lost without him._


	12. Twelve years, two months, eight days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Pete’s plan isn’t very glamorous; we’re all going to pile into Andy’s van and just drive. I don’t know how Joe, Patrick, and Andy got involved but I guess it’ll be nice to have them along, Even if I have gotten pretty used to it being just me and Pete. We’re going to the hospital first. It’ll be nice to see everyone again. We’ve been on the road for several hours now. Joe’s driving at the moment and Andy is sitting in the passenger seat with his feet on Joe’s lap. Patrick keeps insisting that it wasn’t safe but they both just gave him the finger so now he’s pouting in the first row of seats. I was sitting all the way in the back on my own, but Pete kept complaining how uncomfortable he was and made me sit in the middle with him. Now he’s asleep with his head resting on my leg. I’ve gotten used to his clinging so it doesn’t bother me. I’ve been seeing how many animal crackers I can fit on his head before he wakes up._

_At the hospital we’ll ask everyone that was there when I arrived what they can remember. Pete figures with the condition I was in I wouldn’t have been able to walk very far. Patrick suspects someone dropped me off. Either way really someone must have seen something that day. Pete says that even if we have to go door to door we’ll find something that will help us. Sometimes it seems like he’s more determined to find out my past than I am, but he gets super focused on things sometimes._

_Twenty seven animal crackers fell from his head and scatter across the seat and the floor when Pete woke up and lifted his head. He’s not fully awake yet really, even after he sits up properly his eyes still droop closed and his head jerks forward. He asked how much longer we have and whines when Patrick tells him we’re planning on stopping for the night at a small hotel. Tomorrow we’ll get to the hospital around noon. That way we won’t be waking people up and we won’t look like we slept in a car._


	13. Twelve years, two months, nine days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_I had another dream. I was young, really young and I was sitting in small dark room. There was a door with light coming through the crack at the bottom but I knew that I wasn’t allowed to open it. The idea of opening it terrified me. I wasn’t alone in that room though. Another boy sat next to me with his arm around my shoulders. I was less scared when I realized he was there. He looked just like me. A scar on his left cheek was the only difference. We didn’t speak; we knew we weren’t allowed to make noise. Somehow I knew that the other boy would keep me safe from what was on the other side of the door._

_When I woke up the clock showed it was four am. No one else would be awake yet. We got two rooms at the hotel since that was all they had. One room has a king sized bed with a pull out couch so Andy Joe and Patrick took that one. Pete and I shared a room with a queen sized bed. Pete was holding onto me when I woke up but he normally does that when we share a bed. He didn’t even stir when I got up and dug my journal from my backpack. I’m sitting out by the pool right now; being in that small room made me feel claustrophobic so the fresh air feels great. I don’t know if I’ll be okay to ride in the van later today. If Pete drives then I can sit in the passenger seat and keep my window open. I’ll have to ask him to do that._

_I can’t stop thinking about that dream though. Who was the other boy that was with me? Could he have been a brother? He looked so much like me, almost like we were twins. I want to know more. If I have a brother then shouldn’t he be looking for me too?_


	14. Twelve years, two months, ten days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_I couldn’t get in the van. Even the idea of sitting in the front seat made me nauseous. Pete paid for another night at the hotel and didn’t ask me any questions. I was grateful for that. I didn’t know how to tell him about the dream. How to tell him about all the stuff that’s wrong with me. I couldn’t tell him that I think I have a brother._

_We spent the day outside by the pool. I’d never been to one before, I can’t even swim. Pete’s promised to teach me. Most of the time I stayed on the edge of the pool with my legs in the water. Joe and Andy were making out more than they were swimming so we did our best to ignore them. Patrick was nervous about me being by the pool. He was convinced I was going to fall in and drown or something. He didn’t have to worry though, I could touch in the shallow end and I spent a little bit of time in the water just walking around. I didn’t really think Pete was too concerned about it at first but now that I think about it he seemed to stick close to me the entire time, finding some excuse to pull me back when I wandered to close to where the ground dipped. He tries to act normal but he cares about me I think._

_We checked out on time the next day and we all piled back into the van. Pete drove and I sat in the passenger seat, no one said anything about the day before but we kept all the windows open. Patrick is sulking a little bit. He kept a shirt on while he was in the pool and put a lot of sun screen on but his arms, neck, and face all still got burnt. He kind of looked like a pouty lobster. Joe seemed to find it amusing. He sat with Patrick instead of Andy and helped him put some green lotion on his burns._

_Pete kept looking at me like he wanted to ask me something but he stayed quiet._


	15. Twelve years, ten months, eleven days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Seeing ~~Dr.Walker~~ Jon outside of the hospital is weird. He met us for lunch when we arrived in town. It was his day off so he was wearing casual clothes. I’d only seen him in suits and a lab coat for years so it was strange to see him in shorts and flip flops. I can see why he’d wear shorts though. His soulmark is on his right leg just below his knee, 4/11/1987. I pointed out that Pete and Jon’s soulmates where only a day apart. I don’t really know how to describe the looks they both gave me at that. Pete got kind of clingy afterwards. He kept his chair really close to mine while we all ate._

_It’s really nice to see Jon again. It makes me feel better than I have in a while. Joe, Patrick and I talk to him for a long time catching him up on our lives. I was a little worried that Pete might be bored listening to us talk. He put his arm on the back of my chair and his knee bounced. It was shaking the whole table so I put my hand on it to hold him still._

_I admitted to them all that I thought I had a twin brother. Jon said that maybe it would help more. If I had a twin then maybe he would be looking for me too. Patrick uses his laptop to start looking for missing children reports using my name. We stay in the diner we’d chosen for a long time as Patrick and Jon discuss different ways of looking into my case. Someone suggests going to the police but I’m not too sure about that. The idea makes me really nervous and it must have shown on my face. Pete put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against his side. He whispered to me that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do._

_I really must have gotten used to Pete. I always feel better when I’m close to him._

_I must have fallen asleep like that. When I woke up again I was being carried by Pete. I should probably be worried that I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know it was him, the familiar feel of his arms and his scent where enough. I don’t know where Patrick, Joe, and Andy went but it was just Pete and Jon now. Neither of them must have known I woke up. I kept my eyes closed and heard them talking about me._

_‘You and Brendon seem awfully close for having spent such a short amount of time together.’ That was Jon._

_‘He’s a good kid. He needs someone to look out for him.’_

_‘I’m honestly surprised that he was so trusting of a man that he’d just met. He was always a little cautious around men.’_

_‘Do you think a man was the one that hurt him?’_

_‘You’ve seen his scars?’_

_‘Just once. He’s very careful about not being undressed around anyone. I didn’t ask him about them though.’_

_‘You’ve seen his soulmark then. On his shoulder?’_

_‘Yeah I’ve seen it…’_

_‘When’s your birthday Pete?’_

_‘June 5 th’_

_‘1979?’_

_‘Yeah.’_

_‘Do you think he’s your soulmate?’_

_‘I think that I was drawn to him from the moment we met. I wanted to take care of him.’_

_‘Have you told him yet?’_

_‘No I haven’t. My soulmate should be nineteen now. Well I guess you know that. Your soulmate is the same.’_

_‘No. My soulmate passed away.’_

_‘What? How do you know?’_

_‘Because it felt like a part of me died with him.’_

_‘I’m sorry dude…’_

_Facts: My name is Brendon. Ryan and Jon will both be alone forever. My soulmate was born on June 5 th 1979. I live in Chicago with Pete Wentz. Pete Wentz was born on June 5th 1979. I have a twin brother._


	16. Twelve years, ten months, twelve days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Joe and Patrick went to the hospital today. They told me that Tyler met his soulmate, a boy named Josh. Sarah doesn’t work there anymore. She joined Doctors without borders. Mikey will age out this year, he’s excited to be back in the same hospital as Gerard. Dallon left, he wasn’t released. No one knows where he’s gone. I stayed at the hotel with Pete. We used Patrick’s laptop to put on Netflix and I stayed lying next to him on the bed clinging tightly. He doesn’t complain. He tells me jokes and runs his fingers through my hair. I hide my face in his shirt when the movie we’re watching scares me._

_Pete thinks that he is my soulmate. I have his birthday on my shoulder. His is in the same place. It is possible. That’s why he wanted me to figure out when my birthday is. It explains everything. Maybe I was small for my age when I first got to the hospital. Maybe they lied about it so I could stay an extra year._

_I don’t know how I feel about a man being my soulmate. It still feels strange to me, but I know that it’s okay for men to be together. I don’t regret anything that Ryan and I did in the past. I know that if Pete is my soulmate I could be okay with it. Everything feels right when he’s by my side. I waited until he fell asleep today, with his arm still curled around my waist. I made sure he was really asleep and I pressed my lips to his. It didn’t feel wrong. Everything about Pete makes me feel good._

_Now that I think about it though, no one has mentioned anything about Ryan. I know what hospital he was transferred to now. Jon gave me the name and the location. Ryan’s parents don’t want him to be near their hometown. I’m worried about him. He lost his soulmate and I don’t think I ever saw his family visit him while he was here. I know what it’s like to feel alone. In the morning I’m going to tell the guys that we’re going to Utah next._

_For now I’m going to go back to bed. We have two beds in the room this time, but I’d rather be next to Pete._


	17. Twelve years, ten months, fourteen days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

     “I want to go to Utah.” I announced as we piled our bags back into the van. Andy took it to get it detailed that morning so it wouldn’t smell so gross. Now it just smelled like chemicals.

     “What’s in Utah?” Pete asked.

     “Ryan is. Right?” Patrick spoke up, he was driving first and already perched in the driver’s seat with a map open in front of him.

     “Yeah… but we never know what we’ll find on the way…”

     “Who’s Ryan?” Pete asked.

     “Brendon’s little boyfriend.” Joe sang as he tossed his duffel bag into the car. Andy punched him in the stomach as Pete frowned.

     “Boyfriend?”

     “He’s not.” I could feel my cheeks heating up. “He’s my old roommate.”

     “Why does Joe think he’s your boyfriend?”

     “He… We… We were close. He’s deaf and he doesn’t like sign language.”

     “They were like telepathic or some shit. Bren always knew what Ryan wanted to say.” Joe was quick to dodge away from Andy this time.

     “We learned Morse code. He’d tap out what he’d want to say.”

     “How close?” Pete’s chocolate brown eyes watched me intensely.

     “Pete they were two teenage boys with homosexual tendencies who shared a bedroom through puberty.” Patrick said with a sigh. Pete’s frown seemed to deepen.

     “We cuddled… and kissed occasionally. But Ryan was really just my friend. We were both dealing with a lot and it felt good to just forget about that stuff.”

     “I don’t think we should go to Utah.” Pete crossed his arms. “If the only reason for it is to see this guy then I don’t see the point. Coming here made sense but even that didn’t give us any clues.”

     “I think we need to go Pete. I don’t know why but… I just think this is right.” I know that Pete had a point. I know that this trip was using up his money, no one mentioned it but Pete was paying for everything. I shouldn’t have argued with him.

     “No. You just want to go so that you can see your little boyfriend.”

     “Pete, please? We’ve got no leads. Maybe in Utah we can find some more clues or something…” I took a step closer to him and pulled his arms apart so I could hold one of his hands. Quietly so none of the others could hear me I said “There’s nothing between Ryan and me anymore. He’s a friend but that’s it.”

     “I don’t… I don’t care whatever you’ve got going on with this guy I just think it’s a waste of time.” He tried to keep his serious expression but I could see it melting away.

     “Nothing. I don’t want to be with anyone but my soulmate… That’s why we’re doing this remember. We’re going to find out when I was born. Then I’ll know for sure who my soulmate is.” Pete let out a long sigh and nodded his head.

     “Fine. We’ll go to fucking Utah.” He was trying to still sound mad but he gave my hand a gentle squeeze before he climbed into the van so I knew that everything would be fine.


	18. Twelve years, ten months, twenty eight days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_The drive to Utah was long and boring. None of us had anything to say and there wasn’t a lot to look at outside the window. Pete, Andy, and Joe take turns driving so we don’t have to stop except for food. Pete was still upset that we were going to Utah in the first place so he made a point to ignore me as much as he could. The only time he even acknowledged me was when he started to fall asleep just after we passed the Missouri state line. He curled up on the seats and rested his head on my shoulder._

_I don’t know much about soulmates. Is there some way to tell when you’ve met them other than the soulmark? Really birthdays aren’t the surest thing. Thousands of people are born on the same day every year. Somewhere out there is someone born on April 12 th 1987\. Somewhere out there is someone else with Pete’s birthday tattooed on his or her shoulder. Does he want it to be me?_

_We stopped a few more times for food. Pete went back to ignoring me after he woke up and I really don’t like it. I wish he’d stop. I want him to be close to me again. I wonder if maybe it was a bad idea to suggest we come here. After all the only reason I have is wanting to see Ryan. I know that in the past we were more than just friends but that’s in the past. Ryan left me without even a goodbye. He is still the best friend I’ve ever had though and I need to know that he’s alright. I need to know if he’s still searching for his soulmate._

_We finally got into town around three am after driving for a couple days. Pete got us two hotel rooms once again and somehow I found myself sharing a room with Patrick, Pete deciding to take the second bed in Joe and Andy’s room. I couldn’t sleep at all. Even with the heat turned on it felt cold lying in bed without Pete’s body pressed against mine._

     I couldn’t sleep. Patrick was snoring so I got out of bed and wandered out of the hotel room.

     I thought that maybe the van would be more comfortable but it was locked so I wandered down the road a bit. I had noticed a diner when we were looking for a hotel. I walked to it and somehow I wasn’t surprised when I went inside and found Pete sitting in one of the booths in the back. I made my way over and sat across from him without a word. He had a cup of coffee sitting in front of him but he wasn’t drinking it so I slide the mug to my side of the table and lifted it up taking a sip, it was only lukewarm.

     “It’s weird how used to something you can get. Then when it’s gone you forget how you functioned before it.” Pete rested his head on his hand as he watched me through his bangs.

     “You should be asleep.”

     “So should you.”

     “I think we both know why I’m not.”

     “Look kid I don’t need you here telling me what to do.”

     “I know… I just… I don’t think I can sleep without you next to me.” I admitted staring into the mug. The coffee kind of tasted like dish soap. I guess that explains why he wasn’t drinking it. I set the mug back down on the table.

     “What?”

     “I couldn’t sleep. The bed was cold and Patrick snores and… and I just kept thinking about how much I wanted you to be next to me. I want you to be next to me Pete…”

     “You said it yourself kid, you only want to be with your soulmate.” He reminded me.

     “It’s your birthday on my shoulder… I heard you talking to Jon. Your tattoo is in the same spot. April Twelfth nineteen eighty-seven. That could be me Pete. The hospital guessed my age. I could be nineteen. I showed up at the hospital in April. It’s possible Pete. You could be my soulmate.”

     “You don’t want me as a soulmate Brendon. I’m messed up. I’ve got all sorts of problems.”

     “So do I. Hell I don’t even know how many problems I’ve got. I want… I want you to be my soulmate Pete and… and If it’s true then we have my birthday. We can search that way. We can figure out who I am.”

     “Do you think it’ll work?”

     “If it doesn’t then I guess we have an answer and you can go back to looking for your real soulmate.” I suggested. Pete smiled at me but it didn’t reach his eyes.

     “I gave up looking for my soulmate a long time ago kid.”

     “Now you don’t have too.” I leaned across the table to press my lips to his.

_I don’t feel guilty kissing Pete. It doesn’t feel wrong like it used to when Ryan and I kissed. I liked kissing Pete and I hope that he’ll let it happen again._


	19. Twelve Years, Ten Months, Thirty Days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_Pete’s been looking at me strange since the café. Well not really that weird, but I can see something in his eyes whenever I meet his gaze. It makes me feel warm and my stomach does weird backflips. He went to the hospital with me to see Ryan, it was more than a little awkward._

_The lady running the reception desk had been surprised when I said I was there to see Ryan Ross. She said that no one has come to visit him in months. It made me feel like a terrible friend. That hospital isn’t as nice as the one we grew up in. We weren’t allowed to wander around on our own. An orderly led us down a hallway to what looked sort of like a cafeteria. I saw Ryan as soon as I walked in. He was sitting at a table in a corner wearing grey scrubs, his hair was much shorter than I knew he liked and he sat with his hands folded on top of the table. He didn’t look up as Pete and I sat across from him._

_It was just me and Pete visiting him that time. Patrick and Joe will go tomorrow since he was only allowed two visitors at a time._

     This hospital feels more like a prison. I almost started crying when I saw Ryan’s face. He was paler than he’d ever been and somehow the already skinny boy had lost weight. He looked like a ghost. Pete stiffened a bit beside me as I reached across the table and took Ryan’s hands in my own.

     “Oh Ryan…” He looked up from the table and met my eyes for a moment before looking at my lips.

 **Why are you here** **?**  He tapped onto my hand.

     “I’m here for you Ryan. Jon told me… I had to come here to check on you.”

__ **Who is that guy?**

“This is Pete. He um… he helped me when I got out of the hospital.” I explained, on his hand I tapped  **He might be my soulmate**.

__ **Might be?**

    “I’m still trying to figure out who I am… So I can’t be sure yet.”

     “He’s not saying anything? Do we need to get your head checked out Brendon?” Pete asked knocking on my head gently.

     “He is talking. Well he’s not talking out loud; he can’t because he’s deaf. But we know Morse code so he talks to me that way.” I explained to him before turning my attention back to Ryan. “You don’t look so good Ry… Are you okay here?”

 **No I hate it Brendon**.Ryan gave my hand a squeeze and for a second he looked like he was about to cry. In all the years that Ryan and I were roommates I never saw him cry. He might have been upset sometimes but he never let anyone see him cry. This hospital he’s in is breaking his spirit. I asked him if he was any closer to finding Spencer but he met my eyes and I saw that there was no life left in his. On my hand he tapped,  **Spencer is dead**.He didn’t say anything else to me for the rest of the visit.

_Patrick and Joe are going to visit him tomorrow. I know they won’t stand for this either. We’re going to get Ryan out of there. We’re going to get him back to the person he used to be. He had been so sure that Spencer was alive when we were younger, I’m sure that he is. He has to be. Jon said that he knew the second he lost his soulmate. Could Ryan have really lived in denial for so long if it was really the truth? It just doesn’t make sense to me but I guess I can’t really get into Ryan’s head. There’s no way for me to really know. But I’m not going to let him stay there. Ryan is going to come home with us. No matter how much Pete pouts about it._


	20. Twelve years, Eleven months, one day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_I was right about Patrick’s reaction. I don’t know how he did it but when he and Joe returned from the hospital there was a very nervous Ryan standing between them. I was happy to see that he wasn’t in that hospital anymore. I want to help him get back to the Ryan that he used to be. It’s not going to be easy for him being on the road with us but I think he’ll be much better off than locked away in some cell and so medicated he can’t feel any emotions. I mean he’ll still be taking medicine. Patrick made sure we picked it up on our way out of that town. Ryan has been sleeping a lot but Andy says it’s because of his sudden environment change. Pete said I did the same thing the first few days I was at his house; which reminded Patrick that I had been kicked out and hadn’t thought to get in touch with him so we spent a good portion of the drive listening to him rant about injustices._

_I’ve been having dreams about being a kid again. My memories are starting to return piece by piece but I still have no clue how I ended up at the hospital that night, or where I came from. The other boy is always there in the dreams too, I know now that he’s my twin brother but I can’t remember much else. I get really sad when I think about him. In the dreams he protects me from something that wants to hurt us, I want to know what it is that’s coming for us but it’s always on the other side of a door and just as it starts to open I wake up either crying or screaming. It’s embarrassing, but Pete doesn’t complain he just holds me until I’m alright again. I think I might call Jon and talk to him about it._

_Oh, I forgot to say where we were driving to now. See when we told the others that we might be soulmates they got really excited because looking for a missing kid with my name and birthday is a lot easier than just staring at all the missing kid’s pictures and trying to figure out which one looks the most like me. Joe went online and checked some missing kids website and he found one that might be me, there’s really no way to tell because the kid in the picture is a three year old._

_Brendon Urie, that’s the kid’s name. He was born on April 12 th 1987. Him and his twin brother were abducted from in front of their house in Summerlin, Nevada. So that’s where we’re headed now. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. I have all these dreams about a twin brother and this Brendon Urie has the right name and a twin. If we’re the same person then my parents are out there looking for me. I have a family that will be happy to see me, they’ll love me. And if I am Brendon Urie then I’ll know for sure that Pete is my soulmate. I’m so excited I can’t sit still and everyone is complaining about how much I’m moving around in the van. But even with all this excitement I can’t help but feel like somethings not quite right. I’m not sure yet what it is though._


	21. Twelve years, Eleven months, four days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_I can’t sleep. I can’t bring myself to close my eyes. Every time I do I see these horrible things. The closer we got to Summerlin the worse everything got so we’ve gone back to a hotel in Utah. Pete stays awake with me. We don’t talk about them though. The things that my head shows me. They aren’t dreams. They are too vivid to be dreams. They’re memories, memories of the things that were done to me, the things that were done to my brother. My head’s filled with blood and pain and tears. I can hear the screams of my younger self._

_No one leaves me alone now. Someone is with me all the time, even Ryan’s joined the other three in acting like my babysitters. I hate it, but I know that they do it because they’re worried. I have no appetite, I don’t sleep, I wonder if maybe when they took Ryan from the hospital they should have left me there instead. I thought that learning who I was, finding my family would help me. But in reality getting this close to the truth has just started chipping away at the wall that was holding back all the horrors in my head. How much longer until I really lose my mind?_


	22. Twelve years, Eleven months, Five days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited

_We have to move today. Pete told me last night that we needed to get lots of rest because we’d be travelling again. I don’t know where we’re going, maybe back home or maybe we’re continuing to Summerlin. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. I didn’t sleep, I’ve barely slept since the nightmares started. I’m never alone and while I don’t mind having Pete with me I feel like I’m a burden for the others._

_Ryan seems to be doing a bit better. He doesn’t look as dead as he did that day in the hospital. I think this trip is making him anxious too. He lived in Nevada when he was a kid. That was where he lived with Spencer before he died. I don’t know if it matters anymore. We could be going back to Chicago for all I know. We’re in the van right now. Me and Pete have the back row to ourselves. It’s been weirdly quiet. Joe has music playing quietly but the speakers back here are broken so I can’t hear it. I just wish I could sleep without the nightmares coming back. I wish that everything could go back to the way it was before we left. Except I know that’s not fair. Because Ryan is doing better now, which is good. I know my real birthday now. I know that Pete is my soulmate. I’m sure of it. I wish that was enough to comfort me. But at least with his arms around me I feel like nothing can really hurt me._


	23. Twelve years, Eleven months, Eighteen days

_This is Pete. If you’re reading this you probably already know who I am. Well I’m assuming. Don’t worry Bren I haven’t read your journal thingy. But I thought you might want to keep this thing up to date. Since you’re kinda out of it I figured i’d update it. Hopefully you’ll be up for writing again yourself soon. Or up for doing anything really… actually it be really nice if you’d just talk to me. Sorry I’ll just get to the important stuff._

_We were all staying at a hotel in Utah after we picked up Ryan. I didn’t really trust that kid, I still don’t but I’ve clearly been outvoted on having him around. We weren’t sure what to do since we were so close to figuring out who you really are. So while you were sleeping we had a meeting, you managed to sleep through it somehow. I was kind of worried about how you were reacting. I know that whatever memories you got back couldn’t have been good ones. But we all thought that it would be best for us to keep going. We thought that maybe finding your family would help you to recover. I’m sorry, I think I had some more selfish reasons. I wanted to know for sure if you were the one._

_I told you that we were going to be traveling again but you never asked where to. None of us told you. Since you were getting so little sleep at that point I don’t think it would have registered even if you had been looking out the window at the road signs. The news paper articles that we found about the missing twins case were all Las Vegas but after Patrick did some digging we figured out that you were actually from Summerlin, apparently that’s the same town that Ryan is from. We ended up getting a room in Vegas and leaving Ryan there with Joe and Andy. I guess I get why he doesn’t want to go back again. If my soulmate was dead, I’d probably be dead._

_Me you and Patrick went to summerlin alone. You slept the whole drive there thankfully. I’ve noticed you sleep better when you’re close to me, it’s pretty cute. So I made Patrick drive and sat in the back with you. We were almost to the address listed for the Urie’s but you woke up first. Things went kind of bad from there, see we were stopped right by a park and neither of us had even considered it but it was the park where the Urie twins were taken from. It just took one glance and you kind of flipped out. Like you had a full on freak out. I had to hold you down so you didn’t hurt yourself. You really scared me kid. Patrick thought that we should get you to a doctor but that freaked you out even more. So we went back to Vegas instead._

_That’s where we are now actually. Patrick got that doctor Jon guy to prescribe something for you. I guess to help with the anxiety and stuff. Anyway, you’ve just kind of stayed in bed since then. It’s been almost two weeks and you’ve barely moved. I’m really worried about you. You haven’t spoken to anyone, not even to me. I’we had to like force feed you just to make sure you don’t starve yourself or something. We can’t keep going on like this so I’ve made a decision on my own. Tomorrow if I can’t get anything to change then I’m going to figure this out on my own. I’m going to Summerlin, so try not to freak out to much when you realize I’m gone okay. I promise I’ll be back soon._


	24. Twelve years, Eleven months, nineteen days

_Jon says I should keep writing. He says that it might help me to sort out everything that I’m feeling. We’re in Las Vegas now and Jon is here too. I don’t know who decided it but he is. He’s not my therapist anymore but I think I got so used to talking to him. It helps a little, even if it is a little odd while he’s wearing his casual clothes. I haven’t mentioned it but something about his soulmate mark is bothering me. The information Patrick found about me and my brother, my brother’s birthday is the day before mine. Jon’s soulmate was born the day before Pete’s soulmate. Jon said that he felt his soulmate die._

_I still see the dreams… I still see the other boy next to me, with the scar across his cheek. I wonder if Jon is ~~my brother’s~~ Eddy’s soulmate. Does that mean that Eddy is dead? There’s something weird in Jon’s face since he came here. I wonder if he thinks so too. I don’t want Eddy to be dead._

_I know a lot of things now. Here are ten things I know_

_Fact 1: Brendon Urie was born April 12 1987. He was a twin brother named Edward Urie who was born April 11 1987. In 1990 both boys were kidnapped from their yard._

_Fact 2: In 2000 I was left at Sebastian Bastille children’s hospital in the middle-of-nowhere, Indiana. My name is Brendon. My soulmate was born on the June 5, 1979. My soulmark is on my shoulder_

_Fact 3:Pete Wentz is my best friend. He took me in when I was kicked out of the hospital. His birthday is June 5 1979. His soulmate was born on April 12 1987. His soulmark is on his shoulder_

_Fact 4: Ryan Ross was my roommate at the hospital. He’s deaf.. He does not like to use sign language. We learned morse code together. Ryan lies sometimes. His soulmate died when he was a kid. He lost his hearing in an accident. His soulmate was born September 2 1987. Ryan’s soulmark is on his wrist._

_Fact 5: Jon Walker used to be my therapist. His soulmark is on his leg. His soulmate was born April 11 1987. He is a good friend. He felt his soulmate die. He is lonely._

_Fact 6: Patrick Stump is a good person. He was hospitalized for an eating disorder. He has not met his soulmate yet. His soulmark is on his stomach. His soulmate was born May 13 1977._

_Fact 7: Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley are soulmates. Their soulmarks are on their chests. They met in high school. Joe plays guitar, sometimes his arm still twitches. Andy plays drums._

_Fact 8: We’ve driven from Illinois to Indiana to Utah to Nevada_

_Fact 9: Joe, Pete, Andy, and Patrick have started a band._

_Fact 10: I have kissed Pete three times._


	25. Twelve years, Eleven months, Twenty days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to be editing some of the old chapters. I'l let you all know when I'm done and I definitely recommend rereading things once those are up. I'll add into the notes which ones have been edited.

_Today was hard. I can’t sleep, I wonder if I’ll ever sleep again. Pete’s asleep for once, we’re sharing a bed again but we aren’t alone in the room now. Jon is sharing a room with us now too; sometimes Ryan too. Pete doesn’t like Ryan. He gets jealous. Everyone but me is asleep right now. Pete’s arms are around my waist and his face is pressed against my shoulder. It kind of tickles when I feel his breath on me._

_I guess I should write about the important stuff. We didn’t try to contact the Urie’s yet. We can’t be sure this is real yet and we want to get all the evidence. Pete and Jon took me to Summerlin today. We drove around the town to see if I recognized anything. I didn’t have any real memories about that place. Jon says that its normal because Brendon Urie was kidnapped when he was three, before he could really for memories._

_There was a tight feeling in my chest sometimes, like when we passed a park with a playground and a daycare. I think that this is my home. This is where I am supposed to be. But I’m scared. Because if I start to get a clear memory of things then I’ll remember the bad things too. I’ll remember how I got the scars and the burns. I’ll remember the bad people._

      “Bren?” Pete’s voice is thick with sleep and I feel his lips brushing against my skin. It makes my heart race.

      “Yeah Pete?”

      “Why’re you awake?”

      “Writing… I can’t sleep… Did I wake you?”

     “Mm no. Gotta piss.” He says as he rolls away from me and gets up.

     “You’re gross.” I tell him before turning back to my journal. I don’t have to look at him to know that he’s grinning. In the other bed Jon rolls onto his back and starts to snore.

      “You should be sleeping“ Pete mumbles as he climbs back into the bed. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against his chest. Everything feels better when Pete is holding me. I curl closer to him and tuck my head under his chin to listen to the beat of his heart.

      “What if I’m not him? What if I’m not Brendon Urie?”

      “Then we keep searching.” Pete runs his fingers through my hair in a soothing motion.

      “What if… what if I’m not your soulmate?” Pete freezes for a second and then resumes.

      “You are my soulmate Brendon. I can feel it just like you said. We have a connection. You felt it too didn’t you?”

      “I thought you were kinda weird…”

      “Liar. You let me sleep on you. You even felt comfortable enough to fall asleep.”

      “There was nowhere else to sit…”

      “Nah, you felt it just like I did.” Pete presses his lips to my head. We both know that he’s right. There’s something between us. Tomorrow we’ll go to see the Urie’s. Because I am Brendon. I am Pete’s soulmate. I have to be.


	26. Twelve years, Eleven months, Twenty one days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the past chapters have now been edited so everything should be pretty consistent. There are only four more chapters left after this one but don't worry because I have at least two more for this series.

_Eddy. I keep catching myself calling him that instead of Edward. Eddy Urie was born on April 11 1987, Brendon Urie was born April 12 1987. On March 25 1990 the brothers were kidnapped from their yard. They were three years old. On January 18 1996 both boys were declared dead. On April 10 1996 a boy with no memories was left at Sebastian Bastille children’s hospital in Indiana. That boy was me. I am Brendon Boyd Urie. Somehow no one ever figured it out and I lived in the hospital for ten years._

_Today I am going to return to the place that I was stolen from. Pete and Jon are both going to go with me. I’m certain now that this is real. I’ve really found my family._

     It wasn’t too hard to figure out how to contact the Urie’s. They had divorced in 1994 but because of all the press about the missing twins it was simple to figure out their addresses. I wanted to see my mom first.

     Jon was worried about how she would react to the news so when we got to her house he went to the door first. Pete rolled down the window so we could both watch from the van.

     The windows of the house were also open and we could hear the sound of the doorbell as Jon rang it. It didn’t take long for a woman to open the door. Her long dark hair was tied into a bun.

     “Can I help you?” She asked eyeing Jon a bit suspiciously.

     “Are you Grace Urie?” He asked, he dressed more professional today with tan slacks and a button up though he was still wearing his flip flops.

     “Yes I am. What can I do for you?”

     “My name’s Jon Walker. I’m actually a child psychiatrist at a hospital in Indiana.” Jon explained.

     “Well… You’re a long way from Indiana.” She glanced around him at the van. She could probably see us through the open window but mostly Pete probably.

     “Yeah I flew in this morning on the request of a few of my former patients.”

     “I’m not quite understanding what you want with me though…”

     “Would I be able to come inside to speak with you for a moment?” Jon asked. I’m sure he was hoping to explain things to her in a place she would be more comfortable but I didn’t want her to go away yet. My chest felt tight and I knew that I needed to get closer to her.

     “Jon wait!” I called out the window before climbing over Pete to get out on the driver’s side.

     She’s my mom. I’m sure that she’s my mom. I can feel it. She must too. When she sees me she gasps and covers her mouth as her eyes fill with tears.

     “Brendon.” She rushes forward and wraps her arms around me tight. There’s so many emotions inside me that I don’t know what to feel anymore. This is my mom. She’s really my mom.

     “You recognize him?” Jon asks from where he still stands by the door.

     “Of course I do. He looks just like his brother.” Grace says as she puts her hands on my shoulders and moves me back so she can look me over. “Oh god you’re really here Brendon. Eddy is going to be so excited.”

     “E… Eddy is alive?”

     “Oh sweetie there’s so much we can talk about. Come inside okay. I’ll call your siblings and your dad. They’ll be so happy to see you.” She starts to lead me into the house but I stop and turn to look at Pete who is just getting out of the van.

     “Pete and Jon can come in too can’t they?” I ask her. I want to know more about my family. I want to see Eddy. But I don’t think I can do it alone.

     “Of course they can.” My mom smiles at me. I meet Pete’s gaze and I can already tell that he understands what I need. He walks over and places his hand on my shoulder..

     “I’m right here Brendon.” He whispers in my ear. I nod at him and then allow my mom to lead me inside. Pete and Jon following close behind.

 

    


	27. Twelve years, Eleven months, Twenty two days

_Facts: My name is Brendon Boyd Urie. I was born April 12 1987. My soulmark is on my right shoulder it reads 06/05/1979. My soulmate Is Peter Kingston Lewis Wentz the 3rd. I live with him in Chicago. My mom is Grace Urie. My dad is Boyd Urie. I have two older sisters, Kyla and Kara. I have three brothers. Mason, Matt and my twin brother Eddy._

_Me and Eddy were kidnapped on March 25 1990 from our front yard. In 1996 I was left at a children’s hospital in Indiana. My memories of the six years I was missing are still blurry to me. I see them clearest in my nightmares. Eddy is always protecting me in those nightmares. I don’t know what happened to him after I was left at the hospital._

_My mom says that he’s still alive. I can’t go see him yet though. Yesterday while I was at her house I got too overwhelmed and had a panic attack. Jon thinks that suddenly being surrounded by so many people was too much for me. I’m glad that Pete was with me. He told everyone that he was my soulmate so they didn’t argue to much when he said that we needed to leave. I want to get to know my family more but its probably better one at a time._

_I’m worried about meeting Eddy. I think that Jon is too, because Jon’s soulmark is on his leg and it says 04/11/1987. That’s the day that Eddy was born. Except Jon thought that his soulmate had died. It could just be a coincidence though. Lots of people have the same birthdays and Jon is 17 years older than us. It’s not unheard of but it is a pretty big gap._

_Later today Pete is going to take me to see my dad at his house. Jon said it would be better to talk to them all one at a time. Then we’re going to talk to a lawyer and start working on the paperwork that needs to be done for me to become Brendon Urie again._

     “You’re writing. Does that mean you’re feeling a bit better?” Pete asks as he comes back into the room. He’s got a plastic bag from a grocery store in one hand and a cup of soda in the other. The smell of food makes my stomach growl and I realize how hungry I am.

     “No… Now I’m gonna starve to death.” I tell him.

     “Guess it’s a good thing I brought food then.” Pete sets the bag down on the bed and hands me the drink. He starts to sit down on the other bed but stops when he catches my gaze. Instead he lays himself down on the bed next to me and puts his hands behind his head.

     “Thank you Pete.” I touch his chest for a second before picking up the bag and taking out some of the food.

     “Anything for you Bren. I promised to take care of you remember.”

     “I remember.” I turn to look at him and smile as he sits up to press his forehead against mine.

     “You’re my soulmate Bren. You’re really my soulmate. God I never thought I would get to say that. I never thought that I would actually get to hold you in my arms.”

     “Pete…”

     “I’m sorry I don’t mean to get all sappy on you… I just… I was always just filled with these terrible thoughts. I thought that I would never meet you. That you’d never want anything to do with me. I’m not… I’m not the most sane person in the world. I’ve got all these iss-“ I cut him off by pressing my lips against his. He seems surprised for a second and then brings his arms up around my waist to pull me closer to him as he deepens the kiss. I have no doubt in my mind now that Pete and I were meant to be together. I hope that he feels the same.

     “I’m not going anywhere Pete. I love you.”

     “You… You love me?” He asks, chocolate brown eyes staring back into my own.

     “Yeah… yeah I do,”

     “I love you too.” He says with a grin spreading across his face. “But we’re gonna have to talk about the five kids thing cause after seeing your family that just seems like a bit much.” I feel my face warm as I remember the times I’d talked about my future with my soulmate. Things aren’t going to be exactly like I expected but they’re still going to be perfect.


	28. Twelve years, Eleven months, Twenty three days

_Today I met my twin brother. Eddy. 8 months after I was left at the hospital in Indiana he was found back in Nevada. He had a head injury that caused him to go into a coma. He’s been sleeping ever since. My mom brought me to the facility where he lives. It felt wrong seeing him like that. In all my memories he is protecting me. He’s the strong one. Seeing him in that bed with machines keeping him alive… it’s just wrong._

_The doctors don’t know if he’ll ever wake up but mom and dad didn’t want to give up on him so they had him moved to this private facility. His caretaker is a guy named Zack Hall. He doesn’t really look like a nurse with tattoos all over but mom says that he’s been taking care of eddy for a long time and that he’s a really good guy. When mom went to the bathroom I asked Zack about Eddy’s soulmark. I was right. His soulmark is on his right leg just below his knee. 09/17/1970.  17 years older than us. I haven’t told Jon yet. But I think he suspects it. When we were at my moms house the other day she showed us pictures from when me and eddy were babies. You could see that there was something on Eddy’s knee in those pictures._

_I’m back at the hotel with Pete now. I want to know more about my family but seeing them makes me anxious. Its overwhelming. I hope they understand why I need some space. I need time to process this all._

     “What’s on your mind Bren?” Pete asks. He’s sitting on the couch flipping through the tv channels. I didn’t think he was paying any attention to me but he still knows.

     “I asked that Zack guy about Eddy’s soulmark today.” I admit.

     “Yeah? What did he say?” Pete gets up and walks over to the bed where I’m laying to sit beside me. On instinct I roll closer and rest my head on his lap. Pete runs his fingers through my hair.

     “I think we need to bring Jon to see him. I don’t know his birthday but he’s seventeen years older than me and Eddy and his soulmark has Eddy’s birthday.”

     “Do you think it’s a good idea? I mean Jon thinks his soulmate is dead...”

     “Wouldn’t you want to know?”

     “Yeah… yeah I guess I would.”

     “Okay. Then when Jon gets back we tell him.” I sit up so I can lean against Pete, resting my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. “Love you Pete.” I add just because I can. Pete presses a kiss to my head and I can feel his smile.

     “I love you too Bren.” He says before tilting my head back so he can press his lips to mine. A pillow slams into my head and we both move back and look over to where Ryan sits on the other bed with his arms crossed. I smile at him guiltily and he just rolls his eyes and flips us off.

     “Sorry Ry.” I say before leaning against Pete once again. Pete presses a kiss to my forehead.

     “I can’t wait until we get home. Then we can actually have some privacy.” He whispers. I can feel my heart racing in my chest.

_Having a home with Pete. Our home. The loft in Chicago is our home now. Us together. I want that. I really do. But can I leave my family after everything?_


End file.
